i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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