The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
How external is "for external use only"?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize