I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
