He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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