i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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