I want to stick my p in your. b.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
