All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
