By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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