I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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