WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
