I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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