at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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