I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
