I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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