ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
