I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
