I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize