I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
