I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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