No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
