Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
