just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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