Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
