rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think a kid would responsible me up
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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