is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize