Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
