Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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