omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Girls should come with a carfax report
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
