no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
