I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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