The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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