when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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