I swear she didn't look like that last week.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
