so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
