I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
