I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
