Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
