I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
