I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
