Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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