Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
