cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
