Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
