Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
