it wasn't lemon gatorade
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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