Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
