He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
