If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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