im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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