Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
