How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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