Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
