i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
