Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize