i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
