I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
How external is "for external use only"?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
