i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
