dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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