And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she told me i tasted like america
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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