are you so shy because you have an std?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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