Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
