shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
