i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
