1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
