great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
