I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
