I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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