Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
