you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
